Worst Date In 5 Words

I’ve been uber uber uber behind in makeup lately so let’s abruptly switch tracks. Here’s the funniest thing I’ve read all day, enjoy 🙂

It was a Twitter hashtag. I was bored. SUE ME.

"My ankle monitor is itchy." #WorstDateIn5Words
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) December 19, 2014

"First date with a human!" #WorstDateIn5Words
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) December 19, 2014

"Promise I won't snort mustard." #WorstDateIn5Words
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) December 19, 2014

"The moon's full tonight? Uh-oh." #WorstDateIn5Words
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) December 19, 2014

"Jar-Jar's presence MAKES those films." #WorstDateIn5Words
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) December 19, 2014

"I'm married. TO THE SEA." #WorstDateIn5Words
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) December 19, 2014

"I can smell your pancreas." #WorstDateIn5Words
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) December 19, 2014

"These aren't my real nostrils." #WorstDateIn5Words
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) December 19, 2014

"Elizabeth Báthory is my patronus." #WorstDateIn5Words
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) December 19, 2014

"Sorry. I'm allergic to oxygen." #WorstDateIn5Words
— John Scalzi (@scalzi) December 19, 2014

"Taco Bell? Whoa, too ETHNIC." #WorstDateIn5Words
— John Scalzi (@scalzi)