An Open Letter to My Future Mate

15 Mar

WHOA she’s so short

Some thoughts trampling through my head have become this note to my (potentially nonexistent) future mate:

I don’t like to share my feelings, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have them.

I don’t get angry, I get even. Passive aggression runs in my family.

If you’re going to ask me to do the dishes, ask verrryyy nicely. Otherwise I won’t clean out the mugs and you’ll get week-old oatmeal in your coffee.

I wasn’t kidding about the passive aggression.

I get defensive pretty easily. It’s something I’ve been working hard to get over.

Speaking of which, I am constantly trying to improve, so be honest with me.

I hate feeling like I’m the only one who doesn’t know something. Loop me in.

DSC00123If I think you’re an idiot, I’ll let you know.

I am organized, but I am not always neat.

I can’t cook. I’m not going to learn. You cook, or you don’t complain about the chicken nuggets and cereal.

It will take me an hour to get ready and you will deal.

I don’t like pants. Get used to it.

Don’t make fun of my music, and I won’t make fun of your Crocs (I feel like you’ll be one of those poor souls who think Crocs are the height of fashion.)

DSC00069Dress up once in a while.

Don’t touch my crap. It’s everywhere for a reason. I’ll put it away when I feel like it.

Don’t talk about politics. Ever. Avoid people who do like the plague.

Except Julianna. She’s a cool bean.

Don’t buy me flowers. Flowers are for weddings and funerals.

I will probably borrow your socks a lot. You, in turn, have full privileges to borrow mine.

Sometimes I will want to go out and walk around the mall until my feet fall off, and sometimes I will want to don my incredibly flattering oversized robe and watch Supernatural until 2 AM. Be prepared for both.

Don’t make me run with you. I bike. I kick things. I don’t run. The last time I ran, there was an ice cream truck involved.

DSC00120Kidding. It was a bus. I still missed it.

FYI: I don’t consciously try to sound like I swallowed a dictionary.

I’m not tall or thin or charming. But I’m sure you already knew that 🙂

I can be awkward, selfish, vindictive, and unkind, but never for long.

And lastly, I don’t pick up on subtle hints. If you want to tell me something, please just tell me directly 🙂

Consider yourself warned.

A post with NO MAKEUP?! What is this nonsense? It did give me a chance to post some of the more awkward photos I (or Elizabeth) have taken during the “artistic process,” and to get rid of excess brain junk.

What would you like to tell your future (or current, or past) mate/partner/significant other/cat?


P.S. Would you like to see more of these…eh, I hesitate to call them personal, but musings/rants posts, or should I just stick to makeup? Let me know!


13 Responses to “An Open Letter to My Future Mate”

  1. madgirlblue200 March 22, 2014 at 6:45 pm #

    Olivia you’re freaking perfect thought you should know haha

    • Olivia March 22, 2014 at 6:51 pm #

      Thanks Mo so art thou

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