Horny Times at the Renaissance Faire

9 Sep

Today, I paid a visit to one of my favorite places on Earth: Shakopee, Minnesota’s annual Renaissance Faire. It’s loud, overpriced, and, in the words of a knife-throwing act, “manages to be both muddy and dusty at the same time.” I love it.

You enter the faire under a banner flanked by lords and ladies tossing insults at the visitors, casually costumed in raccoon-tailed hats, long flowing skirts, and a stash of various weapons in their belts.

Upon entrance, you are immediately assaulted by the sheer number of smells, sights, and sounds packed into the busy streets. Shirtless 20-somethings proudly announce their wares in witty innuendos.

“Join a 12-step program! 12 steps from you to the beer!”

“Giant pickles for sale! *Launches into song* When I think about you, I touch my…pickle.”

Chimes jingle, fire eaters with sooty faces scream obscenities into the crowds of admirers, and people in beautiful dresses roam around gawking at said fire eaters. There’s a hypnotist, a knife-thrower with a fake accent, and a magician with three balls.

You heard me.

I wore a vest, an off-the-shoulder top, and knee-high boots that combined looked a lot like a badass pirate girl. I added a belt with my beloved knife.

(My apologies for the meh quality of the pictures, it was 8:30 PM when I took them and the exposure was super high (a bit too high methinks) and they turned out blurry. I am ashamed.)

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I bought a pair of clay horns that I’d been wanting since last year for no particular reason. As I walked into a store,

Vendor: You look horny today.

Me: I am, but don’t tell anyone.

Vendor: It’ll be our little secret.

Half of me was all “how old do you think I am?” and the other half was proud of having managed to come up with something besides screaming RAPE at the top of my lungs.

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Some random guy took a picture with us. My sister was very embarrassed and my brother was stoic. I look like I’m about to stab him.

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Silly things happen when I pose for too long.

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I’m seriously considering wearing these in public.

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I think it’s safe to say I’ll be coming back 🙂

Until next year, Shakopee.

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4 Responses to “Horny Times at the Renaissance Faire”

  1. hannie10h September 10, 2013 at 10:53 pm #

    The title was misleading, frankly I’m disappointed that this isn’t your latest romance novel. Perfect outfit nonetheless

    • Olivia September 11, 2013 at 6:09 am #

      Haha I did have that conversation though…;) Thanks!
      Lol latest romance novel, as if I have many just lying around collecting dust.

  2. thetrickyniki September 9, 2013 at 10:14 am #

    This looks like such a cool event, especially if it had a magician with 3 balls haha!

    Cute outfit as well, with the little horns 🙂

    http://colourmeniki.com

    • Olivia September 9, 2013 at 11:35 am #

      It was! I love that we have one only a few hours away!
      Thank you:) I’m planning to wear them to school for Halloween.

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