Should I Be a Teen Columnist?

30 Jun

A few days ago my friend informed me of an opportunity to become one of the teen columnists for our local newspaper. I was initially excited because I love writing, but I found the application process tedious and anxiety-provoking. I needed to submit a cover letter and 3 examples of my writing, which sounds simple enough for a normal, not-obsessive person, but for me it was basically torture.

Brain: Go on Olivia, pick 3. 

Me: Ok, I’ll do a blog post. 

Brain: Good idea! Which one?

80 posts later, I decided that I hated everything I’d ever written and should resign myself to weeping quietly in the corner.

Brain chimes in helpfully: How about a movie review?

Me: The only movie review I thought was semi-decent was Superman, and that was NEGATIVE. I must be unicorns-and-rainbows cheery for this application.

Brain: Write a new one!

An hour later, my Sherlock Holmes movie review was born.

Me: Hmm, that was alright. 

Brain: But here’s a typo! That sounds funny! That’s cheesy! What was I ON when you wrote this?

Me: *sniffle*

Good enough. Now, a school assignment. I’ve already written it, now I need to find it.

Brain: This is stupid. You can’t use any of these. 

Me: Oh, I like this one. 

Brain: That’s a POEM. You’re applying for a COLUMN. No correlation.

Me: How about this paper? It got a 99! 

Brain: That’s depressing. It’s about a book about a body! Death! Not cheery. 

Me: Deal with it, I’m using it. 

What now? An original work! Relevant teen topics…hmm…driving!

Brain: Stoopid.

Me: It’s not terribly original, but it’s an important issues and readers will relate to it. 

Well, that was boring. Done, done, and done. Cover letter time.

An hour later…

Me: MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr. Casey: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Can you help me with my thing?

Dr. Casey: What thing?

Me: My WRITING thing.

Dr. Casey: Mhmm…mhmm…this is crap. Take it out. Put that up there. That sounds unprofessional. What were you ON when you wrote this?

All in all, ’twas a learning experience. One that I would not readily repeat. Wish me luck?


4 Responses to “Should I Be a Teen Columnist?”

  1. natziwang June 30, 2013 at 9:37 pm #

    Best of luck!

    • Olivia June 30, 2013 at 9:38 pm #

      Thank you!! I find out mid-July…I’ll be a nervous wreck until then:\


  1. Waiting on the Big Reveal | Eye Have A Lot of Feelings - July 2, 2013

    […] July 17 I find out if I made enough of an impression to be a teen columnist (I’m strongly pessimistic, as per usual). It would be a great opportunity but I’m sure […]

  2. One of Those Mornings | Eye Have A Lot of Feelings - July 1, 2013

    […] morning was one of those mornings where the house is silent and, having submitted my teen columnist application, I have nothing on earth at all to do. So I stuck a spoon into a jar of chocolate frosting and read […]

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