My LEAST Favorite Movies

6 Jun

Earlier in the week, I posted my favorite action movies of all time, which got me thinking about the attributes of a really bad action movie, which got me thinking about bad movies in general, which got me thinking about life, the universe, and everything. It’s funny, the tangents our minds take.

After extensive research on the topic (ie asking a bunch of my movie-buff friends), I have compiled a master list, in no particular order, of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. If you have a movie to add to the list, comment below and explain why. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I’ve probably forgotten a ton of bad movies just because I try to put them out of my head as soon as possible, so forgive me if I forgot something really obvious:) If you actually like any of these movies, I’m sorry. Obviously this is just one opinion, but my family, the ultimate judges of cinema, agrees that these are atrocious.

1. A Knight’s Tale

Oh, the numerous things wrong with this movie. First off, TERRIBLE music. The setting is supposed to be historical, a time with kings and queens and knights and things, but they played rather awful modern rock songs and just completely ruined any lingering remnants of authenticity. I think it was meant to be a funny, but it was just sad. The romance sucked. I have no better word for it. Most of the time I wanted to gag, and the rest of the time I was actually gagging. The dialogue was terrible, the acting was overly dramatic, and the costumes made me sad. It was desperately predictable. I hated every cheesy minute of it.

2. Green Lantern

Ok, I understand that is can be difficult to create a real-life adaptation of a comic book character while keeping the original costumes, quotes, villains, etc. These things can look great on a page but translate terribly to the screen. I get it. I do. But really? This movie was the most godawful superhero movie I’ve ever seen. Ryan Reynolds was downright the worst possible actor for this role. Everything was either too green or too yellow. The antagonist was some sort of shimmery yellow-brown cloud of something that was neither intimidating nor awe-inspiring. The lumpy headed guy was just disgusting. The script was boring. I love superheroes, and most of the time I’d get into fistfights to defend them and their movies, but dear lord they screwed up with this one.

3. X-Men: The Last Stand

I really, really didn’t want to put a movie from one of my favorite Marvel sagas (let’s just say sagas because they’ll keep releasing sequels & prequels until someone assassinates the producers, which is really fine by me), but this movie was downright depressing. Jean Grey returns. Cool. Whatever. Kills Cyclops. Again, I don’t really care about him. Goes all psycho, kills the Professor. Ok, now I’m mad. Then there’s this weird battle consisting mostly of the big blue fluffy guy mauling everyone, some albino kid in a creepy white room, and some serious bridge-bending. Then Wolverine stabs Jean and it’s all over. And lastly, as a final little “screw you Olivia,” Rogue goes and gets herself “cured.” What is this??? The whole idea of Xavier’s school is learning to accept yourself, flaws and all. I get that it must’ve been difficult to exist without human contact, but honestly, I’d have found a way around it. Ick. What a terrible conclusion.

4. A Cinderella Story

Chick flick time! I said in my earlier post that I don’t like chick flicks in general, but I have been known to occasionally enjoy them. Not in this case. I saw this one for the first time at a sleepover, and the combination of chocolate, popcorn, and caffeinated beverages did not make this movie any better than it was. Looking at the poster, I guess I should’ve realized how stupid it would be, but I was trying to be open-minded. So much for that. I really can’t say much about this except that, if I could take back those few precious hours, I would.

5. High School Musical (and its sequels)

There are too many things to say about this one. Terrible acting, terrible scripts, terrible music, and a terrible representation of high school. Girls aren’t that obviously catty, no one is that beautiful (we’re all sort of awkwardly tall or short and pimply), no one dresses like that, no one breaks out singing in the hallways. This movie is a representation of every unrealistic cinematic portrayal of high school.

6. Percy Jackson and The Lightning Thief

Let me just say, I loved the Percy Jackson book series in middle school. I wanted to be a demigod. I took a lot of online quizzes to find out which godly parent I’d be descended from (Athena or Poseidon, ya’ll). I was obsessed. This movie crushed it all. It took the book and twisted the events and characters around until the only aspect of it that fit with the original was the title. It was oversexualized, especially for the elementary-to-middle school audience it was aiming for. Logan Lerman made an excellent Percy, but the rest of the cast was terrible. Ew.

Well, that just about wraps it up. I’m sure I could think of many more awful movies, but to be honest, I get nausea just thinking about them. If you know any terrible movies not mentioned here, please comment below and tell me why you hated them. Thanks for reading and enjoy your evening/morning!

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