A few days ago my friend informed me of an opportunity to become one of the teen columnists for our local newspaper. I was initially excited because I love writing, but I found the application process tedious and anxiety-provoking. I needed to submit a cover letter and 3 examples of my writing, which sounds simple enough for a normal, not-obsessive person, but for me it was basically torture.
Brain: Go on Olivia, pick 3.
Me: Ok, I’ll do a blog post.
Brain: Good idea! Which one?
80 posts later, I decided that I hated everything I’d ever written and should resign myself to weeping quietly in the corner.
Brain chimes in helpfully: How about a movie review?
Me: The only movie review I thought was semi-decent was Superman, and that was NEGATIVE. I must be unicorns-and-rainbows cheery for this application.
Brain: Write a new one!
An hour later, my Sherlock Holmes movie review was born.
Me: Hmm, that was alright.
Brain: But here’s a typo! That sounds funny! That’s cheesy! What was I ON when you wrote this?
Good enough. Now, a school assignment. I’ve already written it, now I need to find it.
Brain: This is stupid. You can’t use any of these.
Me: Oh, I like this one.
Brain: That’s a POEM. You’re applying for a COLUMN. No correlation.
Me: How about this paper? It got a 99!
Brain: That’s depressing. It’s about a book about a body! Death! Not cheery.
Me: Deal with it, I’m using it.
What now? An original work! Relevant teen topics…hmm…driving!
Me: It’s not terribly original, but it’s an important issues and readers will relate to it.
Well, that was boring. Done, done, and done. Cover letter time.
An hour later…
Dr. Casey: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Can you help me with my thing?
Dr. Casey: What thing?
Me: My WRITING thing.
Dr. Casey: Mhmm…mhmm…this is crap. Take it out. Put that up there. That sounds unprofessional. What were you ON when you wrote this?
All in all, ’twas a learning experience. One that I would not readily repeat. Wish me luck?